Not Just a Fantasy
by A Lurking Maid
Summary: Okay. This story was up before, but for some reason, was not available to read. Umm...Kate and Castle after A Deadly Game. Alternate solution...


**Okay, this was me being crazy. This is post A Deadly Game. I thought of this...and the stuff is not mine. Castle and all of its characters in their glory belong to ABC and Andrew W. Marlowe.**

Not Just a Fantasy

_Just do this, Beckett. Just do it. Don't be a pansyass. You can do this. He's only a guy._

But for her, it wasn't just a guy. This was Rick Castle, a man who mostly acted like a child yet somehow stole her heart amongst the incredulous amount of insanity he forced upon her and the boys. He promised he'd be back in the fall. He'd gotten back together with his ex-wife, but somehow, Kate Beckett knew that would be a mistake. She was going to say it. She was going to say how much he meant to her…well, more like how much he _means _to her. _Come on, Beckett. You chase gun-wielding killers for a living. This idiot should be no problem. _

Except it seemed to be.

She reached out to knock at the door, and then pulled her hand back. Still clenched in a fist, she tried again. She hesitated. Her breathing quickened. The butterflies in her stomach were eating away at the lining. She felt sick with a mixture of dread and fear, along with the boiling anger in her stomach.

She tried knocking again, but, once again, pulled her hand away from the door. _Why should you try? He said he'd call. He said he'd be back. Why am I even here? To yell at him for not calling after four weeks? He said he'd be here the whole summer and would call when he was finished._

That wasn't enough for her, though. She broke up with Demming for reasons only she knew. She wanted him to stay. But he went off to the Hamptons with Gina. What a stupid name, Gina. She spent the last four weeks cursing it.

She finally did it. The next and final time she brought her hand to the door, she rapped on it five times. While she waited for someone to answer the door, she tried to let herself calm down before she saw a human face.

The door creaked slightly as it opened. Kate stood there impatiently while she studied Castle's face through the screen door. "Beckett?" he asked, opening the door to let her in. "What are you doing here?" His surprised glance followed her from the foyer and into the living room suite.

"I just thought I'd drop by," Beckett answered innocently. She didn't add anything else to the sentence.

"Okay," Castle replied simply, not letting his confusion shine through.

She stepped carefully into the house. If she were here for different reasons, she would have been taken aback by how massive it is. He persisted on trying to get her to come down for Memorial Day Weekend, but she had refused him. She didn't want to be near him. She rejected him for reasons that made her want him. She had subtly hinted on how she wanted him to stay and not go away for the summer, but they had been fruitless. In the end, he chose someone else. He always chose someone else. It was just how it worked.

"Beckett," Castle began cautiously. "You okay?"

"Fine," she lied.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said quickly. In reality, she was anything but fine. But she wasn't admitting anything. Not yet.

"I thought I wasn't going to see you until the fall."  
"So did I."

"And you're here."

"Yeah, Castle. I'm here. Good for you, Captain Obvious."

"Are you hungry? Thirsty? I can get you something. Gina is obviously roaming the house and periodically checking up on me to see if I'm making any progress on my writing."

_And she's also sleeping with you_, Kate finished bitterly in her head. "No, I won't stay long."

"You drove all the way out here and say you won't stay long?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. That's all."

"You know, you could have called for that. You still have my number right?"

"Yeah," she replied miserably.

"You alright? You seem really upset about something."  
"I'm fine."

"No you're not. I may only have known you for a year, but I do know when you're hiding something."

_And I know you well enough to know that you're the typical man who never seems to get a woman's hints._

"I thought I heard a voice down here!" exclaimed a female voice that made Kate really sick.

_Crap_, Kate thought as Castle turned around. "Oh, Detective Beckett!" she yelped in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Just dropping by," Kate said weakly.

"I'll get something prepared. Rick, don't be rude," she scolded as she left for the kitchen.

"Gina," Kate called after her. "It's fine. Really. I'll be gone in a minute."  
"No, don't be silly," Gina said as she finally reached the kitchen.

"She's a force," Kate observed as she stared with bitter distaste in Gina's direction.

"Yeah, well," Castle began, but trailed off. Kate understood why they were together. She was beautiful and successful. She also could give him everything, despite the fact that their marriage failed once. "Are you sure you won't stay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure," she told him.

"Okay," he said with a note of disappointment hinted in his voice. Then he did something he never did with her before he left for the summer. He hugged her.

She relished in his embrace and savored it. Then she remembered where she was and whom he was with. She abruptly shoved him away. "Kate," he whispered.

"I need to go," she said, her voice sounding a little muffled. She entered her car and drove a distance far enough away from both civilization and his house. She parked in an area she felt was safe enough for her to let her emotion overthrow her cool.

"Why the hell did I go out there?" she asked herself, tears falling. "He's with Gina! He doesn't need me poking my nose into his life when he's got her doing it." She pulled the car out of the secluded area she found when she regained her composure. "This is going to be the loneliest summer I've ever had."

-Caskett-

_God, this is so ridiculous_, Kate thought to herself as she sipped a glass of wine a week later while watching a romantic comedy that happened to be on TV. She never liked romantic comedies, yet somehow was perched on her new sofa in her new place watching _The Proposal _with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Not the brightest choice in movies, but it kept her away from Rick Castle's novels, which she was itching to read. He may not be her favorite person in the world right now, but he was still her favorite author. "Ugh, this is so stupid!" she said aloud. "You don't find the love of your life within a couple days!" The words seemed aimed at her rather than the movie.

It's been a week. He hadn't called or sent a text message or email. She thought he would, since he found her sudden appearance at his vacation home so odd. And she had this tiny speck of hope in her heart that he would try to contact her. But he didn't, and her focus on work was starting to diminish. In every case, she was seeing Castle. Every time she found a break in the case, she looked up with a hopeful glance to see if Castle had found the same thing too. It would take her a minute to remember that he was no longer with them.

But for the last hour, her phone had been buzzing nonstop. She ignored every single buzz. She knew it was probably Lanie or one of the boys checking up on her. She knew why, too. She had been in a weird mood all week. The hopeful glances, the sullen face every time she stared at Castle's empty seat (she refused to remove it from the spot next to her desk), and the spinning of wild and crazy theories that only Castle would approve of. She checked her email and text inboxes frequently as if hoping for something to happen.

The buzzing stopped right when there was a knock on the door. "Ryan, Espo, Lanie, if it's either one of you, I'm not coming to the door! Not in the mood!" she yelled.

"It's Castle!" Castle yelled out from the other side of the door.

Kate set her wine glass down on the table before getting up to answer the door. When she opened the door, she saw him leaning casually against the outer edge. He was dressed casually in a button down shirt and jeans. If this were a normal time, she would have greeted him with open arms. But it wasn't a normal time. "What are you doing here, Castle?" she asked him with a somewhat harsh tone in her voice.

"What? No hug?" he asked innocently. Kate glared at him. Her eyes were flaming.

"What are you doing here?" she repeated.

"Well, okay," he began, "if you wanna know, I shall tell you." He entered her apartment without invitation. She stared at him incredulously. "I know you well enough to know when you're upset. I couldn't leave with my novel unfinished and my publisher unhappy, so I cut off all contact with the world and Jack Kerouaced the thing. I had it finished in a week. My editor has it now and is polishing it up for me before I put the final touches on it and release it." He paused and looked at her, searching for approval.

Kate, however, looked at him with another type of feeling. "You Jack Kerouaced a novel?" she asked.

"Well, you know Jack Kerouac is famous for-"

"I know who Jack Kerouac is, moron!" she seethed. "I just don't understand why you felt the need to rush the writing."  
"Because if I left the Hamptons before finishing my book, my publisher was going to have my ass."

Kate tapped her foot impatiently. "Why did you feel the need to leave the Hamptons in the first place?" she asked him.

"Because I saw that you needed me."

Instead of reacting the way she knew he hoped, she raised an eyebrow at him. "Needed you? You thought I needed you?" Castle's look of surprise and confusion floated to her head. "You're an idiot, you know that? It took you this long to figure it out?"

He stared at her with a flaming look. "I ditched my bimbo publisher and came out here for you."

"You're still an idiot for not realizing this sooner."

"Well, I wish I had."  
"You didn't even attempt to contact me at all!"

"I've been texting you and calling you for over an hour! But you act like I did something wrong."  
Kate backed off from her defensive position slightly. "That was you?" she asked, walking over to her purse. She pulled out her phone. She saw fourteen missed calls and over fifty text messages all from Castle. Her heart both sunk and rose at the same time. "I didn't realize-"

"Clearly," he muttered sarcastically, interrupting Kate. "Who did you think it was? The boys? Lanie?"

"Yes," she admitted in a small voice.

"Yes, well…you never exactly gave me a chance to show you that I actually fell in love with you over the past year."

Kate's eyes widened. _He does feel the same way_. "You did?"

"I did."

_I fell in love with you too_, she said to him in her head. "I just didn't wanna force you if you weren't ready."

She looked at him for a moment. Her face burned. She felt even worse than she did earlier. "Castle, I'm sorry," she admitted.

"Yeah?" he asked her, searching her face. She bit her lip. _God, the things this man does to me by looking at me. _ "How sorry?" he added slyly.

As though a magnet was pulling her forward, she slammed his body against her own and kissed him fiercely. After pulling apart to breathe, she let their breath mingle for a moment while starting to unbutton his shirt. "This sorry," she answered, kissing him again. She continued unbuttoning his shirt and pulling the ends out of the waistband of his pants. She let her hands roam all over his chest as he searched for the best spots on her neck.

"Let's go into the bedroom," he suggested.

"Why?" she asked teasingly.

"Because there are so many things I want to do to you, Detective. Many, many things."

"And you need the bedroom for this?"

"Unless you'd prefer the floor-" A kiss shut him up. It was hotter and deeper than the first two.

"Let's go," she agreed.

The made their way to her bedroom clumsily, leaving a trail of clothing behind. In each other's arms, they did the famous dance of love. Kate experienced nothing like this before. Sure, she's had great sex with hot men, but never as good as this. This felt as though she were floating somewhere else. A sense of unknown euphoria had overcome her. The sense thrilled her all the way through climax. When the two of them finally calmed down, they fell into each other's arms again, sleeping away the night. It was a sense of oblivion that Kate had never experienced before.

She had never felt purer bliss.

-Caskett-

Kate woke up from a dreamless sleep. Castle lay beside her, his eyes open. She guessed they woke up sometime in the earlier hours of the morning. "Morning," she greeted, her voice still drunk with sleep.

"Morning," he greeted back, kissing her.

It took her a moment to realize that she was in the position from the night before, when she fell asleep. She hadn't moved. Neither had he. "You know," he husked in her ear, "this is even better than me exercising my fantasies about you through my writing."

"You're ruining a perfect moment," she scolded.

"No," he said. "I'm trying to tell you something."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"Heat and Rook are like us. They want something more from each other. He's me and she's you. The only difference between us so far has been that we didn't sleep together until now."

Kate rolled her eyes. "That's what you wanted to tell me?"

"Let me finish," he ordered, putting a finger to her lips. "I'm fantasizing about more than sex here. That's the problem. This is more than sex for me. Following you around the past year, I've come to discover there is more to life than fame, success, and hot girls."  
"Don't you mean 'women'?" Kate asked him.

"No, Kate," he said. "I mean 'girls.' My sixteen-year-old is more mature than the women I've been with. In fact, I've never been with a real woman. Gina's still a fire-breathing dragon and Meredith's classified as a deep-fried Twinkie." Kate snorted with laughter. "Yes, silly now, isn't it?" he asked her. She hugged him for a moment, then pulled back to let him finish what he was saying. "I've never been with a woman before. I've been with girls, Kate. Not the kind you get arrested for being with, mind you, but more like emotionally stunted bimbos who want nothing but sex with a famous author."

"You somehow manage to work how much you love yourself into a conversation," Kate told him observantly. Castle laughed at this. "Well, you do. Is there anyone you love more than you love yourself?"

"Yes," he said. "My mother, Alexis" he paused, looking at her with sweet eyes, "and you."

Kate kissed him. "You tell my mother I mentioned how much she means to me, and you're dead, woman," he added with a smirk.

"Oh, I think she knows, Castle."

"How do you know that?"

"A mother always knows, Castle. You should know that."

"Aren't you a fountain of wisdom this morning," he joked.

"The morning is my best time of day," she answered smartly. "Anyway…what were you saying before we got sidetracked?"

"Oh yeah!" He paused for a moment to remember what he was going to say. "I've never been with a real woman before. And that's never bothered me until I met you. You have qualities that I find attractive. The way you don't fall into my trap every time I make a stupid remark. The way you hide the fact that you're a fan of my work, even though I've seen your collection of my books. You never make the mistake of fawning over me like a teenage girl. And what I love most about you is despite the fact that you have been through a lot over the past eleven years; you're still on your feet. You're still strong and, if anything, it made you more driven in the field you've chosen. There's a lot about you that you refuse to reveal, and I would like to see you reveal more of yourself to me…if you want to."

Kate stared at him. She was smiling, yet a tear chose that precise moment to fall down her cheek. He brushed it away. "What is it you want?" he asked her. "If you only wanted last night, that's fine. If you want more, that's fine too. Even if you only want sex-"

"Castle, just shut up," she ordered, climbing on top of him. "I want more than just sex and I want a hell of a lot more than last night. I may not be easy to be in a relationship with, but I'll try as hard as I can. I want you more than I want anything else. That includes my mother's killer."

"Since when does anything else take priority over your mother?" he asked her.

"Since you came along," Kate answered simply, lowering her body.

Castle smiled at her and wrapped his arms around the body lying on top of him. She shoved her hands underneath his shoulders and wrapped them around him as best she could. They stayed like that for a while, until Castle's stomach rumbled loudly. "Hungry?" she asked him.

"Starving," he answered. She dismounted him and he crawled out of bed. Both of them dressed quickly. Kate started shaking her hands. "What's wrong?" he asked, noticing her behavior.

"Nothing," she told him. "You're heavy and my hands and lower arms fell asleep while under you."

He chuckled. "Come on," he urged. "Let's go make coffee and pancakes."

**Oh, yes...um...Jack Kerouac, for those that don't know, is a Beat Writer (a writer from the 1950s). Beat Writers were experimenters with style and stories. This particular writer wrote a book called On the Road in three weeks, working sixteen to eighteen hour days. His scroll was only one paragraph and he was forced not only to reformat, but to take out and edit pieces. I said Castle "Jack Kerouaced" the thing because he wanted to get back to Kate more than he wanted to stay in the Hamptons with Gina and write. That way, his manuscript was done and he could be back with her.**

**Oh, and this is a one-shot. This will stay a one-shot, unlike New Beginnings, a one-shot that turned into a multi-chapter. And that will be updated soon. I haven't forgotten.**

**-SJMB**


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